Think back to the last time you called a friend or family member whom you don’t see every day. Now imagine that that call was the last conversation you’ll ever have with that person — are you happy with what you said?
My father died suddenly in 1976. In the midst of my shock and sorrow, I took great comfort from the conversation we had just a couple of days before. He had told me he was proud of me, and I had said I loved him. As I traveled back home for the funeral, I thought about all the times that I didn’t end calls that way. What if I hadn’t said “I love you” on that last call? The thought chilled me, and I resolved to always tell people that I cherished how I felt about them, on every call. It was the start of a habit that has enriched my life.
It may feel strange when you first start. Saying “I love you” may feel too mushy, or inappropriate, even sexual. Slight changes can fix that. I have one friend who has her own tagline: “love ya baby, no sh*t.” Another uses “You know I love you” as her closing ritual. Don’t worry, you can find other words to let them know how much they mean to you. Like my friend who uses “you’re da bomb.” It’s not so much the specific words you say, as the fact that you have a ritual for ending each call with that person.
To get the greatest benefit from a ritual phrase, first have a detailed conversation with the person, telling them why you value their role in your life. By ending that conversation with a ritual phrase, you set up a trigger. Every time you use the phrase thereafter, it will trigger their subconscious memory of that conversation. This increases positive energy for both you and your friend/relative.
The ritual might be “favorite travel buddy” or “best friend” or some other term that works for you. Are they the person that keeps your secrets? Try “secret-keeper” as their tag. If they are always available when you need to talk, try “my special listener” as a tag. Maybe they are your cheerleader or motivator. If you consider them a role model, “I’m your biggest fan” could work.
When my youngest brother says “You’re my favorite sister” — I laugh and point out that I’m his ONLY sister. I, however, have TWO brothers, and don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, so I qualify my response. He becomes “my favorite sage-advice-giving brother” or “my favorite hamburger-eating brother” (because he was eating a hamburger while we were talking). Now I’m his “favorite book-writing sister” sometimes. Coming up with a creative qualifier has turned into a way for us to motivate each other.
Remember, you never know when a phone conversation will turn out to be a last call, so make each call count.
Hi,
I’m new to your blog and just read the first entry, but really liked it. When I was raising my children alone, I decided to tell them I loved them all the time. At night, we sounded like “The Walton’s”. I still say I love you on the phone before hanging up and they say it back. Once I forgot to say it to my daughter and she called me right back to find out why. I had just forgotten, but it was good that it was important for her to hear it. Sally